My Matthew

Almost a year ago I met the man of my dreams.

Last summer at the of June I met Matt Sherlund. At first I thought it was going to be just some summer romance and as soon as I moved back to Cincinnati it would be over but boy was I ever wrong! This past year has been the best year of my life, as of yet. Don't get me wrong there has been PLENTY of ups and downs but just being with him has made those downs a lot easier than it has ever been before. I have been in previous relationships and I remember reaching the 1 year mark looking back going wow that was a lot of work I'm surprised we made it, but with Matthew I keep looking back going OMG I can't believe its been a year already that was so easy and felt so right.

I love the fact that we're not rushed to push this relationship to the "next level" but we are happy where we are, knowing that we are happy is all that matters! We have discussed marriage and most likely some day I will marry this man, but not until the time is perfect..... not just right.... but perfect.

So I guess I'm just really on here to say that I'm in love with Matthew Ruben Sherlund and if he leaves me i will find him!!!!!!! haha but on a more serious note... i love him....

k
thanks
bye

Why this happens?

I'm confused.

Sometimes I feel nothing but pain.

I have a good life. Or so it seems.

But I feel as if I don't deserve it.

I don't know what happens. I just have these moments of despair, where my heart does nothing but yearn for the slightest bit attention.

That's when I get myself in trouble.

For as long as I can remember, I have focused on the negative attention in my life, and I dwell on it. My brain works on the notion that any attention is good, whether it be hearing I love you and I miss you from my daddy, or my boyfriend getting mad at me for something stupid I've said.

I know deep down that I'm a good person. But sometimes I can't help but think that I'm not good enough, and I don't deserve good things, and I don't deserve the love and positive attention that I get on a daily basis,

That's when I fall into this depression. Where I say things sub-consciously to get attention. I tell people that I think I'm not good enough just to hear them say I am.

The problem that lies in that path is people tend to get very angry with me. Because they know I'm good enough and deep down I know it too, sometimes I just need to hear it.

I need to learn to be the girl that can be happy even though she's sad.

Marylin Monroe said it perfect.

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - M.M.

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." - M.M.