Sometimes I feel nothing but pain.
I have a good life. Or so it seems.
But I feel as if I don't deserve it.
I don't know what happens. I just have these moments of despair, where my heart does nothing but yearn for the slightest bit attention.
That's when I get myself in trouble.
For as long as I can remember, I have focused on the negative attention in my life, and I dwell on it. My brain works on the notion that any attention is good, whether it be hearing I love you and I miss you from my daddy, or my boyfriend getting mad at me for something stupid I've said.
I know deep down that I'm a good person. But sometimes I can't help but think that I'm not good enough, and I don't deserve good things, and I don't deserve the love and positive attention that I get on a daily basis,
That's when I fall into this depression. Where I say things sub-consciously to get attention. I tell people that I think I'm not good enough just to hear them say I am.
The problem that lies in that path is people tend to get very angry with me. Because they know I'm good enough and deep down I know it too, sometimes I just need to hear it.
I need to learn to be the girl that can be happy even though she's sad.
Marylin Monroe said it perfect.
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - M.M.
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." - M.M.
