i'll be waiting for an answer....

sittin here studying astronomy... DEPRESSING... listening to secondhand serenade songs... DEPRESSING... that remind me of my ex... DEPRESSING.... ugh

sometimes i just wanna know why its so hard to NOT think of someone.

why they wont leave your head just for 1 DAY.

good thoughts and bad thoughts but they are still there...

always determining WHAT you do WHEN you do it and WHY you do it.

im in school in that depressing class because he PUSHED me to be there he showed me that i am so much BETTER than him and i will be a GREAT URBAN PLANNER some day and he showed me that by cheating on me and forcing me to BREAK DOWN my comfort walls i had built up around my life...

there is this song that secondhand serenade performs called goodbye... i find it to be perfect for how i'm feeling right now

he says he's sorry and then blames himself for the mistakes... but it doesnt matter cause no matter whose fault it was he cant breathe even though he knows they are better off apart

he realizes that everything they had been through was a lie that made him learn to hate her for doing it and himself for letting it happen or letting it get that far

and then... there is.... 40 seconds of music that starts off real soft and gets stronger and stronger and then for another 30 seconds they are just rocking out.... then he asks her to take his pain away because he wants to believe he's wrong even though he's not

that small instrumental break to me represents the stages of break up that i went through. the first very quiet part the mourning and as it gets louder i was becoming more attuned to my situation and accepting of it. then the rocking out is the part that i finally realized i didnt need him and can function completely on my own with out him. but now i'm in the stage of asking him to take my pain away because i dont want to be right about things i have realized and have stepped back and seen what i have done and the pain i caused other people great or minimal its still pain

he's not worth my tears.

but then if a guy is worth your tears... i'm guessing he wouldnt make you cry

and if he did... he would do anything in his power to make it better and make those tears go away

people say i live in a dream

and sometimes i think i do

i'm here waiting 4 my prince charming... studying astronomy

cause i've done enough chasing and courting its time for a guy to treat me right

time for a guy to sweep me off my feet totally and completely

but i'll keep dreaming... cause from time to time it makes me happy and makes me smile... even if its only a dream....

Been awhile... got a good story for ya...

i'm sitting here playng on facebook and i watched a video that my dad posted of my niece saying that obama sucks. it was so adorable... THEN gammy kicks in her little 2 cents..... she said....

gammy: "he shouldnt teach her that stuff"
Me:"why gammy?"
gammy: "beause she could get beat up"
me: "GAMMY SHES THREEEE!!!!"
gammy: "well when she goes to school"
me: "i doubt three yr olds are going to 'beat each other up'"
gammy: "no they do!"
me: "uhhh i dont think so"
gammy: "well they have older brothers and sisters"
me: and they are going to beat up a 3 yr old
gammy: YES
me: i dont think so gammy where have you seen this
gammy: on the news!!! they get killed!!!
me: wut? news in gammy world?!?

ok maybe i was a little mean but i'm pms-ing so i kinda speak my mind haha aint that some shit though.... dad please dont teach erin michelle anything else bad i dont want her to get killed by someone other 3yr olds older brother or sister!